Not Your Typical Post On Singleness
Updated: Nov 26, 2019
What is on my heart? Well right now, I am learning to embrace my singleness. I don't know about you but this is something I am constantly having to encourage myself about. Persevering and thriving during singleness is something I struggle with and I think it's because I get lonely often and marriage feels like something that can help with my struggle of loneliness. And contrary to popular belief, I do know how to be alone. I'm an only child, been doing this for a while now. I have a community and am in the process of finding a small group/women's group that I can belong to in order to get poured into but what is so appealing about marriage is that you have built in community. You are one with another person and you get to do life with them every day! I am not saying you don't need your space sometimes but there is something so beautiful about not having to be alone. This isn't to say that married people never struggle with loneliness but they don't have to worry about the lies that come with singleness. Plus, married people have a plethora of conferences and sermon series to choose from in order to get encouraged meanwhile us single folks have to dig to find a single sermon (no pun intended) that doesn't just say, "Wait to have sex, you're not weird for being single, everyone goes through it but you won't stay there forever so don't worry!" That's, first of all, not helpful and doesn't even tackle the root behind why we feel alone and less than. But I have been trying to read and listen to Truth these past few weeks and the conclusion that I have come to is this: if we spent as much time talking about and encouraging singleness as we did marriage, we would have A LOT LESS people thinking that singleness is a season to get through as opposed to the calling and gift of ministry opportunity that it is.
We often times talk about "waiting" when we speak about singleness...but WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?? I have fallen into this trap too so I am not trying to point fingers. But the only thing we are waiting for in singleness is to have sex. And what we ALL should be waiting for, single or married, is the second coming of Christ. So my question remains....what are we waiting for? Marriage isn't the ultimate prize, JESUS IS!! So why don't we all calm down and ask the Holy Spirit to rearrange our perspective? I just want the Church to care as much about singleness as we do marriage. Can you imagine the amount of deep and reverent passion the world would see the Church having about bringing the Kingdom here? I shouldn't have to coach myself so much on reaffirming my singleness alone or with my small group. “God withholds no good thing...” and “God will give you the desires of your heart”...FIRST OF ALL, lets give those verses their context back. And second, let’s reevaluate those passages: what are we defining as “no good thing” and “desire of our heart”? If we can agree that God is a Father who keeps His promises, and He makes those promises amidst the reality that Jesus Christ the Heavenly Bridegroom was coming for His Bride, the Church, shouldn't our hearts desire be for Him? Isn’t He the good thing? He didn’t withhold His only Son from us. So didn’t God already deliver on those 2 promises? Did those passages, then, have ANYTHING to do with marriage? Cause last time I checked, marriage is NOT one of the promises God makes you us. Y’all...I need the greater Church to care about dispelling lies singles believe just as much as we care about dispelling lies married people believe. If Scripture describes singleness as such a gift (which it is), then why do we keep acting as if this gift is something to be patient with until we can trade it in for something newer and shinier like marriage? OOP!!
Seriously though, I wish that we cared for our singles better and we weren't left to our own devices. We deserve conferences and whole sermon series too. We deserve books that encourage our singleness towards building the Kingdom and not just doing things to keep us occupied before it's our turn to get marriage. Because then what happens when we are married? Sex? Ok. Kids? Alright. Then what else? I am NOT SAYING that those things are not blessings and things to look forward to. Nor am I saying it is wrong to long for those good gifts. But if what you are waiting for isn't Jesus, then we need to seriously ask the Holy Spirit to shift our heart posture. I am no longer "waiting for marriage", I am waiting for Jesus and desiring marriage. See how that shift puts Jesus ahead of the gift? I want us all to come to that conclusion but don't take my word for it. Read 1 Corinthians 7.
Principles of Marriage
Now in response to the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to use a woman for sex.” 2 But because sexual immorality is so common, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman should have sexual relations with her own husband. 3 A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband. 4 A wife does not have the right over her own body, but her husband does. In the same way, a husband does not have the right over his own body, but his wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all people were as I am. But each has his own gift from God, one person has this gift, another has that.
A Word to the Unmarried
8 I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am. 9 But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire.
About Married People
10 To the married I give this command—not I, but the Lord—a wife is not to leave her husband. 11 But if she does leave, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband—and a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But I (not the Lord) say to the rest: If any brother has an unbelieving wife and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 Also, if any woman has an unbelieving husband and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce her husband. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy by the husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him leave. A brother or a sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you[h] to live in peace. 16 Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband. Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.
Various Situations of Life
17 Let each one live his life in the situation the Lord assigned when God called him. This is what I command in all the churches. 18 Was anyone already circumcised when he was called? He should not undo his circumcision. Was anyone called while uncircumcised? He should not get circumcised. 19 Circumcision does not matter and uncircumcision does not matter. Keeping God’s commands is what matters. 20 Let each of you remain in the situation in which he was called. 21 Were you called while a slave? Don’t let it concern you. But if you can become free, by all means take the opportunity.[l] 22 For he who is called by the Lord as a slave is the Lord’s freedman. Likewise he who is called as a free man is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of people. 24 Brothers and sisters, each person is to remain with God in the situation in which he was called.
About the Unmarried and Widows
25 Now about virgins [those who are not married]: I have no command from the Lord, but I do give an opinion as one who by the Lord’s mercy is faithful. 26 Because of the present distress, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 However, if you do get married, you have not sinned, and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But such people will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.
29 This is what I mean, brothers and sisters: The time is limited, so from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none, 30 those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they didn’t own anything, 31 and those who use the world as though they did not make full use of it. For this world in its current form is passing away.
32 I want you to be without concerns. The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But the married man is concerned about the things of the world—how he may please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. The unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But the married woman is concerned about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but to promote what is proper and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction.
36 If any man thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, if she is getting beyond the usual age for marriage, and he feels he should marry—he can do what he wants. He is not sinning; they can get married. 37 But he who stands firm in his heart (who is under no compulsion, but has control over his own will) and has decided in his heart to keep her as his fiancée, will do well. 38 So then he who marries his fiancée does well, but he who does not marry will do better.
39 A wife is bound as long as her husband is living. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to anyone she wants—only in the Lord. 40 But she is happier if she remains as she is, in my opinion. And I think that I also have the Spirit of God.
There is TRUTH here y'all!!! Apostle Paul (a single man who wrote the majority of the New Testament) writes that singleness is a gift, it is something to desire and presents an opportunity to spread the Gospel and do Kingdom building work for single people that married people cannot/will not experience in the same way. So why would we want distractions from Jesus over Jesus Himself. Again, it is GOOD to want marriage and a family and all the things. But it is not worth more than the opportunity to serve Him undistracted and wholly.
Y'all...I want us to fall in love with Jesus. I want to fall in love with Jesus. And I want to view Him as the perfect Bridegroom that He is. Because believe it or not, you will NOT be married forever to your spouse. Marriage in the way that we know and understand it will not even exist in Heaven. It won't need to. Because we will have Jesus, the best Husband in history and who would want to settle for anything less. And yes, our earthly spouses ARE less than Jesus. Sorry if that hurt your pride but Jesus is better than anything we could ever be gifted, marriage and otherwise. So let's stop idolizing the things that are temporary and worship the things that are eternal. Again, be excited about marriage, get stoked for planning your wedding. Look forward to sex and kids and making a home for your family. But don't overlook the best gift known to man, Jesus, and think that somehow being married on earth is the end all be all. Be encouraged in your singleness, yes it is a season but it is NOT a season to anticipate ending. Because the greatest exchange we will experience does not involve vows or wedding rings, it involves the God of the universe giving us His Son, Jesus, to become OUR sin when He knew no sin (2 Corinthians 5: 21) and giving us His righteousness in place of our sin and shame. THAT is better than any vow a husband could ever make to me. And hallelujah for it!